I sometimes wonder if certain people have a propensity for missing others; whether there’s something in our genetic make-up that makes absence an emotional battle. I seem to struggle with this on a weekly – if not daily – basis. Sometimes the intensity of this feeling will settle in, causing an unpleasant achy feeling in my chest. Often, it is possible to reach out to those I’m missing, but it is frequently less straightforward. How do you deal with emotional imbalances in a relationship, regardless of its platonic/romantic nature? Sometimes, saying ‘I miss you’ feels like a sign of crippling weakness. Sometimes, saying ‘I miss you’ is not entirely appropriate. Sometimes, you just have to deal with it.
But dealing with emotional issues isn’t as straightforward as that. You can mentally sit down with yourself and reason it out, explain the logistics of the situation and analyse it from different angles, but emotions are undeniably stubborn. Emotions linger, and if you’re of an analytical nature, prone to reliving conversations and situations until the edges of your memory fray, the emotions rarely die down. I frequently have a mental sit down with myself, tying the missing or the longing (or whatever bothersome emotion) into a neat little box, only to it explode open and fill my dreams with feeling. How does one escape?
Meditation is a tool I’ve used to try and settle my mind before sleep, which has proved largely effective, although it’s tricky to determine whether sheer exhaustion is the primary contributing factor! Sometimes, though, I will still find myself overwrought with missing a particular person. In the dark, when exhaustion is present and yet not all-consuming, the bleak thoughts can sneak in through the back door. ‘You miss them, but they don’t miss you,’ they whisper. And then, invariably, the missing is joined by sadness, then sadness is replaced with a bitter anger. The clock creeps towards the early hours and the mind is alive with scattered thoughts, the heart struggling to balance the swirl of emotions. Confusion reigns. How to regain perspective?
These points of emotional intensity leave me drained and I always return to my opening musing – are some people more inclined to feel this way? Once described as an affectionate volcano, I often find myself wondering whether others love so intensely? Miss so intensely? Generally so happy with my own company, I also burn with a silent plea for more conversation and more contact, even in the knowledge that lives go on, paths converge and separate while memories and feelings linger.
♣ ♣ ♣
I had wondered whether to close this blog this year, given how infrequently I post, but occasionally it is useful for sharing my musings. If you have similar experiences or have suggestions about how you have coped with missing people, or thoughts on how to deal with high-powered emotions, I would welcome them. Sometimes a fresh perspective can really help…