Today I’m grateful for finding light in the darkness.
It’s been a tough few weeks. I’m in the final stage of my degree, writing like mad and constantly stressing about the quality of my work. On top of that, circumstances have meant that I’m now back at home #1 with my family, flying solo and living amongst boxes. After nearly 3 years living away from home, it’s different being back but at the same time I’m so grateful to have somewhere to come back to, and to have the support of my awesome family.
Yesterday was, if you like, the height of the difficult days. It was a painful day of packing, boxing, wrapping…things that I didn’t think I’d need to do again for a long time. But I got through it, dignity intact, and I’m here on the other side. Grateful for what has been and grateful for what’s to come. When you’ve reached the lowest point, up is the only way forward.
So I’m thankful for the good things. The stuff that makes me smile and lifts my spirits. I did yoga yesterday morning and opened the door in my room to the outside world. I’d never really done yoga at home #1 before so it was a new positive experience. I’m looking forward to more days when I repeat the process and give my body some much needed love. I’ve been existing on chocolate and comfort food for too long and need to hit refresh.
I’m grateful for the rain hammering on the roof and for all of the goodness it’s giving the new Spring growth. I’m grateful for the bunnies that continue to visit our lawn, for the sound of lambs bleating and birds singing, undisturbed by weather or human concerns. I found the shiniest apple in the fruit bowl this morning and felt disproportionate glee. Someone must have surely polished it, but it looked so perfect and…crunchable.
I’m also thankful for the wonderful people I have around me who are constantly there to give support and love and guidance. My brother helped me lug boxes yesterday, dad made me a cup of tea this morning, mum brought me my vitamins so that I wouldn’t forget. I’ve had lovely messages from fabulous friends, and I am so appreciative for the time they have given me…
You may remember the module I talked about in my first 365 Grateful post. One of the themes that cropped up throughout the semester was the Latin phrase ad astra per aspera, meaning ‘through adversity to the stars’ or ‘to the stars through difficulties’ (I quote our lecture slides for accuracy here!) It’s a beautiful phrase, one that has stuck with me ever since. The notion of transcending a bad situation, of working through the darkness in pursuit of the light, is something that I’ve been mulling over for the past few weeks. It’s a great concept but it takes work. I’ve found that you need to remind yourself to find the good, to be mindful of the positives. It’s all about choice. Choosing not to be defined by your situation but to harness its power and redirect it. I’m still learning to do this in other areas, such as with my work-related stress.
The module is one that has kept on giving. Thoughts that developed in the process of learning have continued to evolve, the music and the literature that we’ve looked at has stuck with me and provoked further enquiry. I have been listening to Brahms’s symphonies over the Easter break and finding that I am enjoying his work more and more. He’s a composer that I had barely listened to before October last year and now I’m actively seeking more aural and spiritual nourishment from his music. I feel enriched and eager to continue exploring aspects of the module after I’ve handed in my work in May. It’s a particularly unique experience for me and I am constantly thankful for it.
So, today, I’m starting with goodness, with all of the positives. I’m determined that today will go well and that much will be achieved. I choose positivity. I choose the light.